In which the author, as a child in Pakistan, learns of his destiny and attends a madrassa
Book II
The American—Amir
In which the author leaves Pakistan and arrives in the United States, where, living in the Bible Belt, he attempts to navigate life in high school while dealing with his parents, who are now fundamentalists
Book III
The Fundamentalist—Abu Bakr Ramaq
In which the author, newly arrived at college in Manhattan, embraces the superiority of Islam over all things, culminating with a trip to Pakistan, where he intends to (1) find a pious Muslim wife who will protect him from secularism’s sexual temptation and (2) investigate his relationship with an ancient Caliph of Islam
Book IV
The Postmodern—Amir ul Islam
In which the author returns from his disappointing sojourn in Pakistan and begins exploring anti-Islamic ideas at a new university, where he nevertheless insists on remaining associated with Muslims and ends up becoming president of the MSA
Book V
The Reformer—Ali Eteraz
In which the author, aghast at the militant and murderous use to which Islam is being put, becomes an activist and goes to the Middle East to start a reformation
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Credits
Copyright
About the Publisher
Prologue
In Mecca fathers become inclined to give up their sons.
In 1980, at the spot where the Prophet Ibrahim once sought to slaughter his son Ismail after receiving a revelation from God; at the same place where God gave a dream to Abdul Muttalib asking him to sacrifice his son Abdullah; my twenty-two-year-old father-to-be put his head to the floor and entered into a covenant with Allah Azzawajal, the Exalted.
“Ya Allah! If you should give me a son,” he said, “I promise that he will become a great leader and servant of Islam!”
That accord, called a mannat, made before my birth, singularly and exclusively guided my life for three decades. It conditioned me to serve Islam and it made the service of Islam my condition. In fulfillment of that covenant I studied at madrassas. I rejected the companionship of non-Muslims. I rose up against secularism. I struggled on behalf of oppressed Muslims. And, in the age of terrorism, I sought to become a reformer of Islam.
To say that I was enamored of Islam would be an understatement. I waved the banners of this faith from Asia to America. I studied Islamic scripture and scholarship from an early age. I aspired, perspired, and prayed to one day be lucky enough to rise to the apex of my religion. Over and over again I strove to be an Islamic activist—to become the embodiment of Muhammad’s religion.
This book is about what happened when I loved Islam—with affection, with torment, with stupidity—more than anything else in this world. This book is about ardor bordering on obsession. This book is about a thoroughly Islamic childhood and about a boy’s attempt not merely to know his identity, but to assert his sovereignty. (Some parts of it are about the girls he met along the way.)
Read! In the name of the God who taught man the use of the pen…and remember, you can’t get a death fatwa for laughing.*
BOOK I
The Promised—Abir ul Islam
In which the author, as a child in Pakistan, learns of his destiny and attends a madrassa
1
My mother, Ammi, had just returned from Koh-e-Qaf, where women went when they were annoyed with their husbands. It was far up in the heavens, far beyond the world of men, above the astral planes of the jinns, and hidden even from the angels. Upon reaching Koh-e-Qaf a woman became a parri and congregated with others like her. Then all the parris gathered upon rippling streams and rivers of celestial milk. They bathed and splashed and darted around on rich, creamy froth.
I was just a seven-year-old child living in a tiny apartment in Lahore, Pakistan. I couldn’t get enough of Koh-e-Qaf.
“What happens there?” I asked Ammi. “Please tell me! Please!”
“It’s a safe place where I can gather my thoughts,” she said. “When women go there, we don’t take our earthly concerns with us. We don’t even need our earthly clothes. Allah restores to us the cuticle skin we had when He first created Hazrat Adam and his wife, Havva.”
Ammi said that Koh-e-Qaf was created secretly at the time the universe was made. Allah had asked each one of His creations whether they would be willing to bear the burden of free will. He asked the mountains and they said no. He asked the skies and they refused. He asked the sun and the seas and the plants and the trees and the angels.