The blue edge of midnight - By Jonathon King Page 0,3

The canopy of cypress opens up and then falls behind me. The moon is following. I ignore the burn building in my back and shoulders and keep my eyes focused on the next dark silhouette of mangroves bulling out in the water that indicates a bend in the river, and cut straight for it. Moving point to point, I just keep working it.

What I had wanted when I came down here was something mindless and physically daunting and simple. I’d bought this specially made Voyager canoe, a classic wood design that was modern but made in the old-fashioned style with its ribs and wood rails. I’d plunked it down in this river and paddled the hell out of it. I had heard athletes, long-distance runners and swimmers, say they could get into a zone where they could work without thought. Just settle into a pace and tune out the world.

But I couldn’t do it. I found out soon into my isolation that it wasn’t going to work that way for me. Rhythm or no rhythm. Quiet or no quiet. I’m a grinder. And the rocks that went into my head after I shot a kid in front of a late-night convenience store were going to tumble and tumble and I wasn’t going to forget. Maybe I’d wear the sharp edges off after time. Maybe I’d round off the corners. But I wasn’t going to forget.

The last thing I recalled that night in Philadelphia was Casamir’s words, “You are shot.” Then I mimicked his own hand going to his neck and found my own was wet and sticky with a soup of sweat and blood. I swabbed at the muscle below my ear with my fingertips and felt nothing until my index finger slipped into a hole that didn’t belong there. I either blacked out or just plain fainted.

When I woke up at Philadelphia’s Thomas Jefferson Hospital, I started grinding. I knew they must have had me loaded up with a morphine drip and all the other procedural narcotics, but I didn’t come out groggy, I came out analyzing.

My first thought was paralysis and I was afraid to move because I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. I stared up at the ceiling and then started working my eyes to the white corners and down to a light fixture and then to a television screen mounted high on the opposite wall and then to my left on the curtain rod and to the right a mirror that I couldn’t look into.

I concentrated on what I could feel and picked up the cool stiffness of the sheet against my legs and chest and was encouraged enough to move my right hand. “Thank Him for small miracles.” I could hear my mother’s old mantra and my hand went across to the left side of my neck and felt the bandage, thick and gauzy and wrapped all the way around. When I tried to move my head, pain shot straight into my temples and I knew from the tingle that my vertebra were probably intact.

I was taking an accounting of fingers and toes when District Chief Osborne walked into my room, followed by my father’s brother-in-law, Sergeant Keith O’Brien, and someone in a dark suit that should have had “Beancounter” written up and down one of the legs like they do on sweatsuits from the universities that say “Hurricanes” or “Quakers.”

“Freeman. Good to see you awake, man.”

I’d never met the district chief in the dozen years I’d been on the force and was sure he’d never known my name until early this morning when a dispatcher woke him out of a warm sleep in his home in comfortable East Falls. He was a big man, broad in the shoulders and the belly, and was wearing some kind of paisley button-down shirt and had tossed on a navy sport coat to look both official and hurried. He had gray-flecked hair and a bulbous nose that was starting to show the spider web of reddish veins from too much whiskey for too many years.

“Surgeons tell us you’re one lucky officer, Freeman,” he said. “They say a couple inches the other way could have been fatal.”

Of course a few inches the other way and I wouldn’t have been hit at all, but being such a lucky officer, I decided to hold on to that charm and not respond, even if I could. I hadn’t yet attempted to speak. My throat felt thick and swollen as if I’d