and I felt condensation dripping on my head as Colton took a drink. "I think we just have to let her do it her way. She doesn't need us telling her what's best for her. I have a feeling she'll be getting plenty of that from her family. Maybe we just need to drop it."
"I don't know man," Travis sighed, "You didn't hear the call from her brother. She was pretty upset when she hung up."
My head bobbled against Colton's chest as he laughed, "No shit, man; she just found out her mom died. I'd be more concerned if she wasn't upset."
"Not like that." Travis drew a deep breath, "Let's just say it might be good we're not going. He was cocking off to her about not being there. Told her she was a selfish bitch for wanting to finish out the tour. If he's as charming as he sounded, I'm not sure we'd all make it out of there without someone going to jail."
Life on the bus wasn't that different from life growing up in one way: I still had three older brothers. I had no doubt in my mind that Travis was telling the truth. Colton, Trav and Jon didn't put up with anyone giving me shit. It wasn't outside the realm of possibility that one of my band brothers would clobber the hell out of one of my blood brothers if this trip went the way I was fairly certain it would.
Matt was furious when I told him it would be two days before I could get home. Selfish bitch, I believe, was what he called me. More than once. When he told me I would have made it a priority to come home to see Mom if she meant anything to me, I might have snapped on him.
"Screw you, Matt," I screamed, "When Dad emailed me, he told me she had more time. You have no clue what my life is like out here." I wished I had waited to call him back until I was inside the bus. There, I could have locked myself in the back bedroom and had a little bit of privacy. Instead, I was crouched behind the bus where all of the roadies and local help could hear every word.
"I told him I'd be home as soon as we're done with the tour. He said that would be fine," I continued, "Do you really think I wouldn't have jumped on a plane if I knew how close it was?"
"Honestly, I don't know Madeline," he spat placing emphasis on my given name. I hate that name. "You can be a selfish bitch, so no, I'm not sure you would have come home. You're so worried about your precious fans and your image. You forgot all of us when you left."
"You have no fucking clue what motivates me or where my priorities lie. I was going to be home the day after the tour was done," I sobbed, "Why didn't you call me when you knew it was time? If you'd called, I would have been on a plane as soon as I could get to an airport. Now I'm the one who didn't get to say goodbye." The kohl eyeliner and mascara combined with tears to form black streams down my face. From what Matt told me, they sat there and watched mom slipping away from them for days. Realizing they had robbed me of my goodbye, I was pissed.
"I have to go. The sooner we get this bus moving, the sooner I'll be there," I managed to say through ragged breaths. "Keep me posted."
Last night's show was hard to get through; I'm not going to lie. The guys told me to go home, that they could rearrange the set. I didn't really see the point. Flying home wasn't going to bring my mom back. There wasn't anything to do except sit around the house with Matt and Mike scowling at me, making comments under their breath while Mark tried to get everyone to calm down. This way I could keep my mind busy for one more night, hopefully missing out on the decision making that I wouldn't be allowed to have a say in anyway, and then get home to say goodbye to my mom.
I managed to keep it together through most of our set. Normally, there's a rise and fall to the set list to keep the energy level going. Knowing I was teetering on the edge of falling apart,